Girls being mean
Abi's never been the social butterfly. However she's gotten so, so, SO much better lately with being polite and well-behaved in public and around other children. She has a very strong sense of what's right and wrong. I'm so proud of her. She tries very hard to be nice and friendly. It takes great courage for her to try to join in with other kids to play. Unfortunately she almost always gets burned.
I am seeing a minature version of myself all over again. I don't know why this happens. The other kids will avoid her. If she asks to play with them most of the time they say no. If she just gets up next to them and plays beside them in hopes that they will let her join in, they move somewhere else. Today I took her to UU church. She has not been there in over a year. I thought she would enjoy the Sunday school since she's been asking if she can do school at home *and* school at school "to be with the other kids." They called the kids to the front of the church and Abi was shy about going. I said to follow this other girl who was sitting next to me. She went on and tried to hold that girl's hand. I can respect a person's need for personal space, but the girl pushed Abi away and I could see her wither.
Later I walked her to her class and when I went to pick her up I saw that something was very wrong. Abi looked like her heart had been broken. I asked the teacher how she did and she said okay. I asked Abi if she had fun and she didn't say anything. On the way back to the car I asked if they sang a song ("no"), played a game ("no"), heard a story, ("yes" but wouldn't tell me what it was about). Finally as I sat her in her carseat the tears spilled out and she wailed and said that girl was mean to her and pulled her hair and told her to go away. I took Abi in my arms and held her as close to my heart as I could.
We got home and she's been disturbed about this all day long. She has been depressed. She wanted to take a nap and not eat lunch. She slept for 2 hours. Then when she woke up she said she wasn't hungry and didn't eat. After a few minutes I found her curled up in our bed with her blankie and she said again that the girl was mean to her. She said she was just trying to be a "nice friendly girl." I asked if the teacher saw it and she said no. Later she said that the girl should go to go to a big time-out outside and never be let back in.
I took her in my arms like a baby and told her that I loved her very very much, and how proud I was that she was such a nice, smart, pretty girl. I said, "This world has a lot of people in it that are not nice. That's just the way the world is. You just keep being nice and doing the right thing, okay? And I will keep on being proud of you. You have mommy and daddy, you have your sister, and your dog, and we all love you very, very much."
I have seen a lot of little girls be very catty and forming cliques and just being plain rude. I don't know why this is. Is it just a developmental thing that Abi hasn't reached yet? Is it because of school? I noticed these cliques in her preschool. Abi was crying about those at the time, too. Abi is defiant with us at home sometimes, but not with other kids or adults. She is a good kid. Why is this happening to her? I hate watching my child have her heart ripped out and stomped on over and over by these strange girls, and I hate having it mean so much to Abi.
I'm grateful that she has a few little friends. She's not that close to any of them (except Annika, but we don't see them as often as we'd like) but at least they are nice to her. I think Abi's going to be just like me. And Island. Except I didn't have a very supportive family, to put it mildly. At least Abi has us, and she will always belong and be accepted and loved and embraced within these four walls.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch. At this point in my life, and hers, I'm so glad she's homeschooled in a loving, positive environment. Yes, she will have to learn to cope with people in the real world who are not nice people. But right now she's the tender age of 4.5 and now is not the time to throw her into that world. As a mother, it pains me that this is inevitable, that her heart will have to be broken many times before she develops a tough exterior in order to cope with the harsh realities of life. This is so hard.
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A small brag: On the way to church I told Abi we were going to UU church. She saw some other cars on the road and asked, "Are they going to UU church, too?" I said some of them might be, or to other churches or temples, or maybe to other places. She said, "Oh I know where that one is going. To the AA church. And that one is going to the EE church." And she proceeded to name II and OO, then said, "They are all going to the vowel churches." Abi makes my head spin sometimes. And Nitara, who has overheard my lessons with Abi on the five vowels, can say "AEIOU".
I am seeing a minature version of myself all over again. I don't know why this happens. The other kids will avoid her. If she asks to play with them most of the time they say no. If she just gets up next to them and plays beside them in hopes that they will let her join in, they move somewhere else. Today I took her to UU church. She has not been there in over a year. I thought she would enjoy the Sunday school since she's been asking if she can do school at home *and* school at school "to be with the other kids." They called the kids to the front of the church and Abi was shy about going. I said to follow this other girl who was sitting next to me. She went on and tried to hold that girl's hand. I can respect a person's need for personal space, but the girl pushed Abi away and I could see her wither.
Later I walked her to her class and when I went to pick her up I saw that something was very wrong. Abi looked like her heart had been broken. I asked the teacher how she did and she said okay. I asked Abi if she had fun and she didn't say anything. On the way back to the car I asked if they sang a song ("no"), played a game ("no"), heard a story, ("yes" but wouldn't tell me what it was about). Finally as I sat her in her carseat the tears spilled out and she wailed and said that girl was mean to her and pulled her hair and told her to go away. I took Abi in my arms and held her as close to my heart as I could.
We got home and she's been disturbed about this all day long. She has been depressed. She wanted to take a nap and not eat lunch. She slept for 2 hours. Then when she woke up she said she wasn't hungry and didn't eat. After a few minutes I found her curled up in our bed with her blankie and she said again that the girl was mean to her. She said she was just trying to be a "nice friendly girl." I asked if the teacher saw it and she said no. Later she said that the girl should go to go to a big time-out outside and never be let back in.
I took her in my arms like a baby and told her that I loved her very very much, and how proud I was that she was such a nice, smart, pretty girl. I said, "This world has a lot of people in it that are not nice. That's just the way the world is. You just keep being nice and doing the right thing, okay? And I will keep on being proud of you. You have mommy and daddy, you have your sister, and your dog, and we all love you very, very much."
I have seen a lot of little girls be very catty and forming cliques and just being plain rude. I don't know why this is. Is it just a developmental thing that Abi hasn't reached yet? Is it because of school? I noticed these cliques in her preschool. Abi was crying about those at the time, too. Abi is defiant with us at home sometimes, but not with other kids or adults. She is a good kid. Why is this happening to her? I hate watching my child have her heart ripped out and stomped on over and over by these strange girls, and I hate having it mean so much to Abi.
I'm grateful that she has a few little friends. She's not that close to any of them (except Annika, but we don't see them as often as we'd like) but at least they are nice to her. I think Abi's going to be just like me. And Island. Except I didn't have a very supportive family, to put it mildly. At least Abi has us, and she will always belong and be accepted and loved and embraced within these four walls.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch. At this point in my life, and hers, I'm so glad she's homeschooled in a loving, positive environment. Yes, she will have to learn to cope with people in the real world who are not nice people. But right now she's the tender age of 4.5 and now is not the time to throw her into that world. As a mother, it pains me that this is inevitable, that her heart will have to be broken many times before she develops a tough exterior in order to cope with the harsh realities of life. This is so hard.
-----------
A small brag: On the way to church I told Abi we were going to UU church. She saw some other cars on the road and asked, "Are they going to UU church, too?" I said some of them might be, or to other churches or temples, or maybe to other places. She said, "Oh I know where that one is going. To the AA church. And that one is going to the EE church." And she proceeded to name II and OO, then said, "They are all going to the vowel churches." Abi makes my head spin sometimes. And Nitara, who has overheard my lessons with Abi on the five vowels, can say "AEIOU".
posted by Darshani at 9:52 PM
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